Innocence

When I was a child, I would sit and day dream.

I would dream of being a "grown-up", and of happiness and success. I couldn't wait to be an adult.

Now, I am an adult, and I have been one for a good while, I would give anything to return to that childlike innocence. 

A time where the world could be yours and no matter how dark and sinister your childhood existence was, the innocence of simply being a child made the thought of the future exciting and bright

Sadly, that innocence of a child lies and as a "grown-up" I see life for what it is at face value.

I so wish I could still feel the anticipation and suspense that is there in childhood when you dream of the future.

Everything is like Christmas then. All the pretty wrapping on the outside, But, then adulthood comes along and you rip open that box only to be disappointed with the contents inside.

The world seems so bright and shiny and beautiful. It's all shielded by the candy covered coating that's there hiding the tart bitterness of reality that's waiting on the inside. Just waiting for a naive child to come along and take that first big bite. That jolt of awakening from childhood innocence.

Once it is gone, it's gone forever. There is no way to recapture it or even create a decent facsimile.

I see myself now, how cold and jaded I am. It makes my heart ache.

I long for childlike innocence. A time where words like war, debt, infertility, death, depression, anxiety, and stress were foreign. when even if you heard them, you had no idea what they meant.

They weren't part of your everyday life...words that cling to you as if filled with static. Words that you go to sleep with each night and wake up again the next morning praying would disappear from your life.

I watch my little girl play and I wish there were some way to shield her from that sour ball of life. To keep her from ever taking that first bite. Just hide her away in a place where talking purple dinosaurs are real, and finding a dandelion growing in the yard can make your heart soar. A shiny happy place where all that ails you can be cured with a kiss and a smiley faced Band-Aid.

The thought of having to watch her emerge from her cocoon where it is warm and safe and Mommy can fix anything, into the harshness of the real world, causes me overwhelming pain.

I just want to grab her up and hold her tight, so tightly that nothing can ever touch her.

But, alas, I cannot. All too soon, her innocence will also disappear.

I find myself panicked as I try to guide her, making her aware without killing that innocence too soon.

My heart feels heavy as I wonder..." how can I prepare her for this?"

To be strong and to conquer, when I long to return to that cocoon myself...       

by Shea Clarke  

7-30-03

From Playpen to Prison Cell

I read something in the news last week that broke my heart.

Two little girl's ages five and six killed the six year old girl’s three year old brother.

Together they held him down and smothered him with a pillow.

The family was, according to the paper, well known by the police. The parents were going through a divorce and the Mother had recently been arrested on battery charges.

The children in this story have witnessed both parents arrested for domestic violence and drug charges. The mother of the five year old, and the grandmother, twelve year old sister and the father of the three and six year old, were all in the house when it happened.

What is going on in our world today? These are babies. What would ever make a small child do something like this?

I am grieving for that baby boy and also for those two little girls. His tiny life was ended and theirs will never again be normal and carefree. It makes me weep to even think of it.

The police have ruled it was not an accident, that the girls were deliberate in their actions. The girls and their siblings have been removed from their parent’s custody.

They are too young to be charged, so this little baby boy has died and no one will answer for it.

This made me feel physically ill.

Now, of course I don't think a five and six year old should be put into prison… That would be ridicules…but shouldn't the parents be held accountable?

Why were three small children playing unattended outdoors? Why had no one had checked on them or noticed they were up to something?

It's so sad that in our society in general, children are the last priority on the list of “things to do”. They aren't taught to love, respect and to deal with each other in kindness. They are left to fend for themselves, to learn in the streets. It's so horrible.

Children are a product of their environment.

Mommy and daddy are their role models. If they see daddy hit mommy and mommy throw things and scream at daddy, this is how they think people should be treated.

If they see their parents exhibit no respect for human life, how can they be expected to?

If these children are killers at age five and six, what are they going to be like as teenagers and adults?

It amazes me whenever something happens and a kid kills someone, they always say the same thing, "He/she was quiet, a loner" Were they loners by choice or because lack of interaction with parents left them unable to form relationships?

I would love to be able to raise my children in a different time.

Back in the "Leave It to Beaver" days when children didn't know what a divorce was. Mom was home full-time, and their dads worked Monday through Friday 9 to 5. On Saturdays the family spent quality time together and on Sundays they went to church and worshiped together.

A family meant something and children didn't roam the streets. They weren't left unattended to fend for themselves. Life was carefree, uncomplicated and happy for children. Wally and the Beav went to school without fear of being shot, and the worst thing your big sister did to you was tattle you ate cookies before supper. No one was trying to end your life before it really even began.

When will we realize that if we once again made our families the most important things in our lives that maybe our children could live and grow without fear, hurt and tragedy.

Written By - Shea Clarke

August 28, 2003

My Baby Grows

It has been a long and tiring day and there is yet another mess to clean up. I walk into the room and pick the Winnie the Pooh spoon up off the kitchen floor and remove the bowl from the table.

I give an irritated sigh. The table is covered with vanilla ice cream, I shake my head and mumble half under my breath, 'did any actually make it into her mouth?!'

I grab the sponge from the sink and as I am about to wipe down the table something catches my eye and causes me to freeze.

There on the table, made in the ice cream are hand prints.

The sight of these hand prints makes me smile for a moment and then just as quickly I feel tears well up in my eyes. The hand-prints are so small and yet so big. Where did my baby go?

 I clean up the mess and go on to do the nightly ritual of hands and face washed, teeth brushed, pj's on and prayers said. Books are read and I love yous and good night kisses take place and as I pull the Mermaid blanket over her and turn to leave the room I stop at the door to just stare.

The tiny baby that just yesterday cuddled next to me in my bed was now this little girl that wanted to sleep in her own "big-girl" room.

Her eyes are closed and her long lashes touch her cheeks, she is so exquisitely beautiful...it takes my breath to look at her. When did this transformation take place? How did it happen right under my nose?

It doesn't seem that long since she was so small and helpless.

As I stand there, I think about all the things I took for granted.

The helpless cries are now replaced with the sound of "I can do it myself mommy".

Everyday is now so full of discoveries and firsts that will never be new miracles in her eyes again.

Everyday my baby disappears a little more and this new little person takes her place… a little person that can hop on one foot and sing along with the radio and who isn't afraid of the big slide anymore. I am now blubbering as I stare at this sleeping child, missing what use to be when suddenly as if to console me the sleeping child puts her thumb into her mouth.

I suddenly see my baby hidden there and I smile and realize just how amazing three year olds really are.

    

By-Shea Clarke

January 15, 1999

The Game of Life

Life is a dodgeball court.

You go about your day trying hard to keep from being slammed in the head by someone trying to knock you out of the game.

Constantly on the move to prevent yourself from being clobbered.

Suddenly, the ball is in your hands. It would be so easy to wail on the player in front of you and be victorious...but, you don't. You just can't. You realize it's not worth it.

So, doing the right thing, you merely toss the ball into center court, avoiding the bodies in front of you. 

You could have been in control, but the pain you would have caused others isn't worth it to you. So instead, you continue to dodge, just trying hard to survive the game.

8-27-200

I want to ask everyone who read this to please leave their opinion on something that I have wondered for a long time.....
Why, as educated, cultured Americans, are we "OK" with our children being exposed to violence....movies, games, toys (guns, G.I. Joe's, WWF, etc...) even cartoons have a lot of violence.....
BUT....we have meltdowns about anything remotely sexual being said or in front of or viewed by them?.....I am NOT suggesting pornographic material would ever be OK and no one should be actually having sex in public especially in front of children....but innuendos.... humor that actually go over their heads, certain clothing, language,  passionate kissing scenes in a movie...even a scene that shows a couple just laying in bed with the appearance that they may have had sex... etc....Some people act as if a breastfeeding mother is something sexual and should never be viewed by children.
   I remember many years ago (the late 80's) my friend Rebecca and I went to see the Sean Penn movie, "Colors" at the theater. This movie was rated R (as it should have been) so there was no reason for this couple to have their little boy who was like 2 or 3, there with them. During the movie this child had sat and watched deadly car crashes, fist-fighting, knife fights, shootings and drug deals as well as heard threats of violence being thrown back and forth.....his parents saw no problem....but when the scene of the gang member and his girlfriend in bed having sex came on, they quickly covered his eyes and turned him away saying "Don't look, SCARY...." 
As long as it is a non-violent and a completely consensual between both parties act and isn't graphically being portrayed (major groaning/screaming, thrusting, etc) ....I would rather a small child see a scene of two people loving each other (Remember they don't show porn in mainstream movies), than  seeing drug deals, fist fights, stabbings, shootings, robberies, murder, suggestions of rape/molestation, violent car crashes and explosions, etc.....
Why is it wrong for them to see two people laying there passionately kissing and enjoying and loving each other, but right for them to see people shoot or in some other way harm each other?
Let me also say, that personally, I think small children should ONLY be watching movies/TV shows made for them that are age appropriate, But, because children come into a room while adults are watching TV, because people think if they take a 3 yr old to a movie that they the parents want to see, because it isn't a kid movie they are not going to pay attention to it really any way (not true in most cases BTW...) and then you always have things like CNN and Fox News playing in doctors office waiting rooms, restaurants, etc...the news programmings real life violent scenes are many times much worse than anything Hollywood can produce... kids are going to see things that are not appropriate for them.
I think part of the reason that children are becoming more violent at younger ages is because of many things they grow up seeing with their parents right there watching with them.  They are becoming jaded and apathetic at very early ages. Our children are growing up during a violent war...they themselves or they know other children who's parents or other relatives are active duty military and deployed and understand and fear those loved ones not returning....even things thought of as "innocent" and "family viewing" like "Funniest Home Videos" are technically violent and we laugh about it.....
Yet, show a couple enjoying and loving each other and parents become unglued and have to "shield" them from it.
Why not explain to them that those two people love each other and are expressing their love in a way only grown-ups do and that it is beautiful and something for them to look forward to when they grow up and fall in love, instead of treating it like something bad, shameful and scary. Maybe if our attitudes charged kids wouldn't grow up so curious about sex and thinking that violence is the answer and "OK".....
Opinions????

Starting again.....

I just wanted to take a second to explain why there will suddenly be a massive amount of postings here to my blog.
I have wanted to start blogging again and allowed life and everything that comes with it, get into my way.
So, I am as of today, reopening this blog and will be moving everything I have on various other sites over to this one. That everything will be in one spot and it will also be much easier for me to just include the link here when I submit for various writing jobs to show samples of my writing.
So, please excuse all the old posts. It will only be today that there will be massive quantities of old articles, short stories, poems. etc...
~Shea :)

Petitions that I have created or Signed and Support.....

Please read, sign and share the following petitions.....they are about issues that mean a lot to me.
Thank you.....


http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/502/162/948/